I’m Looking for Something in the Dark

I stumble in the dark, with my heart wide open. My mind is turbulent, yet it all makes sense in the moment. I look around, and I know you’re surrounded by light. Somehow it just passed me by. 

I feel a breeze touch me, so cold and unknown. It felt a bit like you do now, and sadly I think this is how I’ll remember you. The moments of joy, the feeling of love is gone. I don’t know this person, but I know his memories somehow.

In my memory, you’re still the same. You smile when you see me, and that made me go insane. You see, for a moment I believed it all. That moments always stay. But you taught me that nothing in life is permanent, and eventually it all goes away.

Sometimes something better comes along, but for many, it becomes darker. Hints of grey started showing around us, but I still felt optimistic. I could still touch you back then, and so it felt okay. Your presence had left me naked, but I felt covered by your care. 

There you are, I see you soaking in the comfort of your light. I’m looking at you, and I’m jealous. Maybe a bit bitter too, because you left me behind. I remember us holding hands, navigating the grey while it kept becoming darker. But now I’m all alone, and you seem absolutely fine.

That’s okay. ‘That’s life’ as everyone said. To love and then lose, to care and then feel fooled. I’m naked here now, and it’s become completely dark. I’m sure I’ll find my way out, but I’m broken because you seemed to have moved on. 

‘See you on the other side’ – I can’t even say that now. There’s miles between us, and it’s not easy catching up anymore. You’re there, I’m here. But my heart is still wide open. I guess I’m still optimistic in the dark, I guess I’m still a fool at the core of it all. 

I’m looking for something. And no, it’s not you. I’m looking for the path you took, because it seems easy somehow. I’ll get there one day, I’m desperately hopeful. Not to follow you, but to reach the state of unloving that you’re in now.

I guess I’ll remember you as the cold breeze, but the moments in my mind will contradict me. Maybe I’ll remember two sides of you, and in the darkness, they’ll both end up hurting me. 

*Sent from my iPhone*
* Never seen*

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